I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
