mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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