Me too!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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