You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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