Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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