We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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