We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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