My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just blew my weed a kiss
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
