he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
