i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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