Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
