He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
