opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
