It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
