I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
