Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
