somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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