life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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