If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
