fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't shave. On purpose
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
