the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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