I didn't shave. On purpose
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
