Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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