Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
