Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
