You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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