Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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