remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
