he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
