Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
