Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
