I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
People in love make me want to vomit
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
