1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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