Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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