Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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