They should really pass out barf bags in church
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
