As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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