Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
