Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
