I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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