how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
