Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
