I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They are going to name an STD after you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The air taste purple.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
