Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
