New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
