just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
