the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
