At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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