U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
