i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
