I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
