Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
