sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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