Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
